Something Really Awful

According to the first entry in Urban Dictionary:

The Donkey Punch is when your [sic] engaged in anal sex and when your [sic] about to ejaculate you punch the poor little lady in the back of the head so her anal cavity tightens making the orgasm all that more better (for you of course).

Now, we all know this is bullshit, right? It's the sort of stuff that happens in frat stories and urban legends.

Well, that didn't stop these assholes...

...And this is where I link to this Something Awful golden hit, 'cos frankly, the only way to view something like this is through the lense of a sick sense of humor.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for freaky straight porn, but if these images...




...don't make you vaguely ill, you've got something wrong with you...

Bareback Recruits 3

I'm a big fan of the videos from Active Duty. The guys are all hot, and being in a military town, I've done my best to help serve my country over the years.


I love Cole. He's got a huge cock, a great body, and knows how to play to a camera. But do we really need to spend 45 minutes watching him jack off and play with his ass by himself? I'm impressed by his flexibility, but I'd rather see the hunky former Marine sticking that big slab of meat up some other "straight" boy's ass.




















The second part of Bareback Recruits 3 opens with Kody, Cole, Shane, and Cheyenne sitting around, supposedly watching porn and talking with Dink Flamingo. Eventually the guys all start to strip down with each of them stroking through their boxers. Kody is probably my favorite of the 4. He's got a big thick chest, muscular arms and a great smile, and I don't think that I'd break him. Cheyenne's pretty enthusiastic about sucking Cole's cock, but can't go more than halfway down. The way Cheyenne's going after Cole's cock and the way his ass is opening up to get fucked, it's obvious he's been pounded a few times before and Shane shoves his cock in without much resistance.

The funniest thing about these movies is hearing Dink direct the guys on what to do, like "You like big dicks, don't you bitch?" and "He's probably gonna choke you when he goes up your fucking ass too." I suppose it's better than that 70s porno music that we're all used to though.

Here's my favorite part...watching Cole penetrate a guy. The bottom guy has no problems taking him all Fast forward a bit and we see Kody leaning over the sofa supposedly getting fucked for the first time by Shane. Cole takes a turn manages to shove it all the way up Kody's ass and we see closeups of Cole's monster cock going balls deep and that look on Kody's face of pleasure and pain while Dink keeps telling Kody that he'll never be the same again after taking "the biggest dick in the house." Fast forward a little more and we see Cheyenne getting pounded by all 3 guys before he takes each of their loads all over his face and sucks to get more out.

Not the best video that Active Duty has put out, but you'll probably be able to pull out a couple of loads.

I Own TIM's "Meat Rack"

...So let's talk about it, shall we?


First off, it's decent enough. It is pornography, which means it can't capture that immediate, beautiful sensation of a thick hard dick up your ass squirting a lava-hot load against your prostate. It can't capture that feeling I love as a top, of a guy's sphincter muscles pushing your foreskin back as you shove yourself into him. But it does well enough as is.

The major problem: It's shot in the wild, on Fire Island. Meaning Paul Morris and Max Sohl can't stage scenes in the most optimal manner. If you watch porn, you want to see the raw, naked, thick-veined shaft pushing itself into the anus. You don't want it implied -- we're not talking Skinemax here...

Also, it's modern bareback. Meaning there's no accidental, totally internal cum-shot, with the top looking as lost as a little lamb, wondering how his load got in the guy. This is planned -- perversely, too staged, in a sense -- which is part of the problem. The guys shoot, spray one shot on Dawson's back, and squeeze the rest of it into his hole. To be sure, Dawson doesn't nearly take the gallons of semen the promos imply.
Still it's better than your average porno, what with that's insistence on plot and laughable loyalty to continuity. "Meat Rack" is pure action. All that's filmed is the act of fucking -- very valuable as a puller of baby-batter goes.

All in all I liked it. I've got it on the DVD player right now, a tiny bottle of Astroglide dripping onto my cockhead as I spank to this. In particular, I'm happy with the Jeff Grove scene. The guys are cute (alas, no Jesse O'Toole or Nick Piston in this one), but nothing to write home about. Shannen Michaels is decent enough, but he's an awfully reluctant top... Still, I'd hit it.

If you're gonna go with TIM, "Cumsloppy Buttholes" or "Breeding Season" might be better investments. Like I said, shooting in the wild means missing out on a lot of the clinical visuals that are necessary to making porn masturbatory material.

In short: Don't get me wrong. You should totally buy it. Go ahead and bang your cock to the pics on their website, and buy one of Paul's movies. It's just that this should not be your first and/or only Treasure Island Media purchase. And if you've got this, and you want the perfect jack-off experience, make sure to go into special features and click on the "Breeding Review." That's perfect for pulling it.

In The Hood

Two penises could have what appears to be a medium size foreskin and the same glans size when flaccid, but while approaching erection one may retract totally behind the glans before erection while the other may partially cover the glans when erect. Total area and size relative to the individual penis categorize foreskin size. There are nine size classifications.

The average erect shaft skin is 17-sq. in. and the average surface area of an erect penile shaft behind the glans is 24 sq. in. About 7 square inches of tissue must come from somewhere when the circumcised penis becomes erect. Usually it is scrotal and abdominal skin that must make up the required shortfall experienced by most circumcised penises...